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Sunday, November 14, 2010

Different

How long will I sit here with nothing to write?
It’s all inside me head… or is it my heart?
My husband is sleeping, I am here, on the couch, wondering what to do now… or rather, what to think or feel now…
My mind is lost… thoughts and feelings all collide and I can’t tell what is the right way of moving forward in this situation…
Maybe he’s not sleeping, he is trying to at least... I hear him sighing.
We are different, he and I. And most of the time it’s fine with me.
It’s why I married him and not anyone else.
Like I’ve said before, we are opposite strengths for each other. 
We have a ton in common, but,
Our hearts beat to different tunes.

I have been excited lately, about all the beauty and creative endeavors this world has to offer... Wondering where I fit in and how I can join the mass of people out there creating things for everyone else to enjoy... 

Hubby doesn't get it. I know that he loves me for me. {He likes that I'm made up of all things creative and pretty and artsy... He just doesn't understand it} It's not that he dislikes the things that I like... maybe he does... but I think it's more about the fact that that's just not the person that he was made to be.

He was tired around ten tonight, and I wasn't. 
After he crawled into bed, I laid down next to him quietly for a minute and then he asked what I was going to do...
I said that I wanted to go to the beach... but then added a little chuckle at the end to make myself sound not so serious about it. {though I really would jump at the chance to go on an adventure like that}
He responded with a comment about how it wouldn't be safe to drive there late at night, you know, with all the rain and windy roads...
Bah! I was mad/hurt/sad/frustrated/let down that he didn't think it sounded even remotely fun.
Like I said... our hearts don't beat to the same tune.

How to deal with it? I'm not sure... 
As I am in a new season of self discovery, it also means a new season of marriage discovery... How do I be me, with him? 
Not all of me is discouraged. It's just hard trying to figure out something new like this. What I feel is strong within me, and I want it to be a strength pouring out of me. {speaking of the passion to create and explore} 
So, then, how do I do this, being connected to someone who might not ever see things the way that I do? And more importantly, what do I tell my heart?


1 comment:

Meg said...

I am LOVING your blog posts! So honest. Can't wait to read more!