Thursday, April 19, 2012

Missing my Love

Ah grey and rainy day... You have been calm and relaxing.
And though I am very ready for summer and all that it entails, I'm doing okay with the clouds right now. It makes being at home all cozy with my boys a bit more enjoyable. -If it were sunny and beautiful and warm out, I'd have a hard time being indoors these first few weeks with them.

On a little side note... Having two darling baby boys to hold and love and take pictures of, I'll do my best to share both their sweet cheeks on the 'pages' of this blog. Sometimes though it will just be one of them.

I'm sitting on my living room floor right now, listening to pretty music and watching the boys sleep. It's hard to believe that they're my sons. It's surreal, but oh so wonderful! Shawn laughs at me, but I can't help but to look at their pictures when they're sleeping... and this is so strange but even when they're asleep and not within my arms, I can smell them through the pictures... Ah, I laugh at myself too! I'm in-love!

Just look at how precious they are!! 
... Next post I'll have to throw in pics of them awake.

Adding Hunter and Emerson to our lives has been incredible!! 
The thought of them not being here, is strange... Their faces have only been kissable for about 3 weeks now, but it seems like I have known them always.

The world that my Love and I live in is changing, quickly... and last night I had my first real cry over the new life that we've stepped into. 

The boys sleep in their crib {sharing one right now} at night. Having two babies makes co-sleeping a tad difficult in a queen sized bed -though they did sleep with me the first couple nights while Shawn slept on the sofa in their room. Now I sleep on the sofa and get up to feed them every 2-3 hours. Well, last night, as I lay there, listening to my handsome children breath, a pang of sadness swept over me... "I miss Shawn"... I text him that I missed him, and a few minutes later he walked into the room and lay on the sofa with me. 
Evenings were always such a special time for us... Not in just an intimate sexual way, but because it was in bed that we'd talk till all hours of the night, and laugh and share our hearts about life and... I hadn't had that in 3 weeks. My best friend and I had been apart for too long... I missed snuggling up with him in his arms and being near him and sleeping at his side. Gosh, even now tears fall from my eyes... I LOVE MY HUSBAND! Last night he wrapped his arms around me while I cried. His arms have never felt so reassuring. 
We talked about the fact that even though right now we don't get to share nights in the same way, we will again soon. 
I'm working hard to help my boys adjust to their crib, to night time and to knowing that I love them, that I'm near, and that they can fall asleep without me. I tell them that our bed belongs to Mommy and Daddy, that I will cuddle them all day long, but that night times are for Daddy since he doesn't get to hang out during the day like we do. I tell them, that this is their bed, that it's time to sleep, and that soon, in the morning, we will all play together again. Hunter and Emerson fall asleep in their cribs just fine most evenings, and they only wake up to eat, get a diaper change if needed, and then they fall back to sleep quickly.
For now, I am in their room so that Shawn can sleep straight through the night without having to hear their crying on the monitor each time they're ready to eat. A few nights I've fallen asleep in our bed with him, and then around 1-2 am, I moved to the boys room {maybe it was only once...} I'm thinking we'll try this again tonight.

Happy sacrifice! I make these sacrifices happily. Lack of sleep, lack of Hubby snuggles, lack of 'freedom' to come and go as I once pleased... are all for such a phenomenal gain!! 
"Emerson and Hunter, I will lay my life down, so that you can thrive!"


Loud Mouthed Mommy said...

That was beautiful. Almost brought me to tears!

Tricia said...

Everyone I know knows you some how we've never met. I have read a couple of your posts after Michele has liked them. They are beautiful wonderfully written and my heart resonates with them so much.
I have 3 amazing little men of my own and though this time is truly sacrifice the blessings are beyond measure. You brought me to tears and sweet memories of my own babes. May you sleep well tonight and full in joy over your babes.
I hope to meet you one day :)

Cara said...

Wow. WOW. First of all, those two peanuts are to die for, they're so beautiful and delicious. It's inspiring that you're a new momma to twin boys. WOW! You will soon have time again with Shawn, I just know it. Enjoy this! xoxo

Nicole said...

Amber you are such a good wife AND mother. You are beautiful. :)