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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Thoughts Behind the Tears


I went on a walk with the wind tonight.
My warm body and her cool breeze pressed happily forward in time.
With head held high and a smile upon my face, she danced through my hair and around my moving limbs.
While my feet kicked the occasional pinecone or two, my eyes were fixed on the sky above.
Watching as the tall grass bowed with humility and the branches on the trees swayed with ease, my lungs were filled with life.
I breathed her in and I breathed her out...
It felt good to be alive.
If you know me well, you know that I approach life with every ounce of my heart. 
There is meaning and purpose behind each choice that I make, and I work hard at the things I believe in.
When a task is put upon me, I will do it gladly.
Mind over Matter.
This is it! This is my time! My time to shine, to put my all into something, my passion, my knowledge and dedication, it's my time to see the works of my hands bring about great reward.  
Raising children has been such a strong dream of mine. And for years I've prayed about it... Asking for Gods wisdom for when the time would come, preparing to be a sacrificial helper, teacher, encourager, love for the little lives that would one day be mine. 
I studied, observed, soaking up as much knowledge about children as possible... and too, my heart has forever been stuck in a funny bend towards them.
My eyes see their needs is a special way, and I truly believe that I've been given a unique ability to understand them.
When I cry, the tears are deep rooted in joy... They well up and fall, with an indescribable happiness.  
I have been waiting for this responsibility, longing for the day that I would get the honor of being a Mother. 
Tears fall as I sob and weep and sniffle through the overwhelming emotions of getting to be a Mama, not just to one sweet little life, but to two! It's the greatest gift I've ever been given! They are the greatest gift I've ever been given. {and now there are tears in my eyes}
I cry because in my being tired, I'm also wonderfully emotional for the reason that this is the hard work that I've been imagining myself do for almost ten years, and now it's what I'm called to 24/7. 
I weep, because I'm tired, and I'm happy that this is the tired that I get to be. I'm happy that I'm tired, because it means that I'm working hard!
I shove as many naps into my schedule as possible! And they are more than enough to keep me going, thriving, jumping into each day, excited about what it holds.

Gosh, I'm a Mama!!! {dangit, more tears!} Really! This is my dream come true!! I'm living in my happy place! 

My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude! 
"Thank You God! Thank You!"


4 comments:

Andrea {kerubo mama} said...

YOU inspire me, sweet lady. Truly, truly inspire me. xoxo

bekkah said...

This is such an encouraging post. Jesus is the best. :-)

Janell said...

This is such a beautifully deep, heartfelt post. Your overwhelming joy is conveyed beautifully. You have truly been blessed, my dear :)

Bon Bon said...

Pure beauty in words and thoughts and declarations! It's a love that knows no bounds! xoxo